FINALLY, I FOUND ME

I love me some ME! I used to allow people to use and abuse me mentally and physically just so they would love me. I remember saying as long as I stay, they will know I love them. As long as I'm always there for them they will know I love them. That's just who they are, I can't give up on them....I've lost so much of ME trying to repair other people while I was broken, I couldn't repair myself. Words used to hurt, until I realized they had power over me. I no longer allow words to have any rights to my mental. I took back my power. Now when someone says something to ridicule me or try to make me feel less than. I SMILE and chunk the deuce.....because I was beautifully and wonderfully made in my mother's womb. I was meant to be here. So no matter what you say about me, I'm still AWESOME and they know it. If people make you feel worthless, you are around the wrong people. You are allowing others to dictate your moods. Therefore, they will continually have power over your thoughts until you learn how to discern their motives. Sometimes people don't realize they are the energy suckers in your life. I used to be one. I hated that girl.... After losing my mother I learned a valuable lesson. TIME IS EVERYTHING, SO SPEND IT BEING CONTENT IN EVERYTHING. DON'T LET PEOPLE GET TO YOU. The time and energy it takes me to be upset with others, I lose energy for my husband, my children and the family and real friends that love me dearly. So smile while you still have TEETH! ALL OF Y'ALL ARE BEAUTIFUL TO ME! HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

NO LEMONADE(FUCK BEY): ELI

What do you do when you are in a storm? Is there a place that you can go to seek refuge? I am stuck in a space that has a never-ending cycle of turmoil and defeat I feel like the air has engulfed my lungs and I have no room left to breathe I never have any room to breathe All I see is darkness The coldness rivets up my body and keeps me still It feels like a state of paralysis in my mind Stuck between wanting to be happy and embracing defeat I hardly smile anymore while everyone else is smiling around me The sickle from the reaper is piercing my soul Blood is on my hands The stains are noticeable even when I cleanse them the remnants remain How much longer can I bear this pain? I use to think I was the storm THE FUCKING EYE OF THE TIGER but that was just days of yesteryear when I had more desire to proceed Life is LEMONS NOT FUCKING LEMONADE!!!

Dear Mommy!

Bad decisions and priceless measures regrouping of friends and past endeavors I forgive you for your daunting ways and your unemotional gaze Passing on your emmissions of an inoperative bond Trying to play catch up and im not to fond of you pleasing others before getting to know me

I Love Broken People

I give people MANY chances even when they do me wrong because God forgives ME. So who am I to think I am more deserving than anyone else?...God heals and helps the lowly and the foolish. We have all been categorized as such once or twice in our lives. A faulty situation may change the dynamics of our relationship, but I will always be there if you need me. I know how it feels to be rejected. I have been rejected more than enough times to know that it doesn't make you feel all that great. It changes the perception you had of yourself and often times may lead to self-doubt and a boat load of insecurities. I never kick a person when they are down because it's hard on that ground. I have been evicted, lost, alone, car repossessed, fired from a job, cheated on by a loved one, picked on, hated, ignored, felt hopeless, and the list goes on. Therefore, God said you are bruised but not broken. Use your strengths to strengthen others. If I leave a situation that person must have really abused my LOVE and it's no longer healthy for me to continue, so GOD removed YOU....There is nothing like unconditional LOVE. It feels good knowing that you have SOMEONE in your corner because not everyone is as fortunate. Love without limits...Always remember that! #GODISLOVE

It depends on how you USE me....

In the last few years I have come to the conclusion that not everyone has good intentions for you. I have realized that you will be used a time or two or three....LOL! There are some people that will enter your life to destroy you. There are also those people that come into your life to steer you away from those who were sent to destroy you. I believe there is a role for everyone in your life. We have friends that are there for certain seasons and different reasons. For example, you may have a friend that is good at listening, or a friend that is good at analyzing things and coming up with solutions and then you have that friend that you like to party and have fun with. Everyone you meet has been sent by God to intervene in your life or to become an intercessor for God's purpose. We all need to ask for the gift of discernment. Don't pray for THINGS and STUFF, pray for DISCERNMENT and LOVE. We need genuine people in our lives so that we don't have to question their motives. There is nothing that feels more uncomfortable than a feeling of uncertainty when it comes to how loved ones deal with us. When you play a role in someone's life you are either the taker or the giver. Most of the time the takers rarely give and the givers rarely take. This is how they were designed to be. When we look at how God constructed us we learn to be more supportive of the role he bestowed upon us. For example, I am a giver. I may not give as means of finances or THINGS per-se, but I am the person people come and talk to because I am a good listener or I provide good and sound advise. I have always been a helper even when people do not necessarily help me. I learned my role a long time ago and have learned to accept it accordingly. At first it was rough not receiving the same thing that I give out. In time, I have noticed that everything is not always about YOU. Once this concept was discovered I was able to be an asset to God and allow Him to use me. It's all right to allow God to use you, but when people start to use you it starts to become a problem. I need you to understand that EVERYONE gets used. But, when you allow someone to use you up it diminishes your light. It clouds your judgement and causes you to feel insecure and worthless. You can allow someone to use your phone or a little sugar, but never let them use your soul. Pray for DISCERNMENT!!!

I AM!

People walk around with masks on everyday to protect themselves from the world. We claim to be happy, when in reality we are broken. We claim to be strong, but become weak when we are alone. We claim to be confident when but have major self esteem issues. We claim to be fearless, when in reality we are scared out of our minds. Reveal yourselves, take off your masks. BELIEVE ME it feels AWESOME! #Day#2 of my journey..... CONFESSION: I have self esteem issues, I cry when im hurt, I hate saying IM SORRY, I'm scared of building NEW relationships..... I'm a work in progress.

  


When Did You Fall In LOVE with HIP HOP?

    I am an 80's baby at heart and I remember when I was first introduced to Hip Hop. I was watching MTV and VH1 and I watch the rap videos that would play after school. I remember "Yo MTV Raps" and Dre. Dre and Ed Lover. I first fell in love with HIP HOP when I heard "Cha-Cha Cha by Mc Lyte, "It's my Beat" by Sweet Tea and "The Greatest Man Alive by 3 Times Dope. The list is longer but I had to name a few. I had my boom box and rocked out to Afrikka Bambata and lounged out on the couch to watch  my Crush Grove and Beat Street VHS tapes. The music back in the day was life for me and I miss those days dearly. This new age music has been manipulated and stepped on and seems quite unrealistic. I guess I'm offended  that the nation is in a recession and all I hear on the radio are songs glorifying the bling, making it rain, drugs, money, sex and power. Is this what our children have to look forward too? I remember when me and my friends would clear the living room just so we could dance to Kid n Play and Big Daddy Kane.We would "Qun diddly diddly diddly dee" to Heavy D and wave your hand in the air when Chubb Rock's song hit the airwaves.  I remember as around the age of 8, my older cousin came to my house and she brought her cassette tapes and "Me and Kid Sensation and that home away from home, in the black Benz limo with the cellular phone", (My Posse's on Broadway by Sir-Mix-A-Lot  blazed through the speakers and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I jammed that song for months remembering every word. I loved Hip Hop at one point in my life, it meant so much to me. The movement represented the struggle as well as the care free beats to make your body rock. We can't forget "Breakin 1 and 2" and Ozone and Turbo with the break dancing "Electric Bugaloo" type style. Hip Hop was knowledge, it was ART, it was about battling and broadcasting your skills in a non violent way. It gave hope to young men on the streets, it gave them a way out. When you heard a rhyme, you heard a message that was monumental. What happened to our generation? What happened to our MUSIC? What happened to HIP HOP? 


Who is your favorite MC?

Are you MOTHERING your man????

Sometimes women get accustomed to the daily routine of cooking, cleaning, and nurturing offspring. This is supposed to be for HUSBANDS or CHILDREN, but have been connected to these so called "Babes in Toyland" type men. In the last decade or so, there has been quite a few men that enjoy sitting at home without a job being pampered by women FRIENDS. Yes, obviously they haven't recieved a title yet. He often explains to everybody that she is just his friend and he continues to reap the benefits that only a husband should recieve. These motherly type women choose to cater to these men without them having to make any committments. Most of these women have a fear of being rejected or suffer from some kind of abandonment issues. This in turn leads to wanting to control all situations and relationships. Women as a whole need to learn to be comfortable in their own skin and quit allowing men or past endeavors to define them. It takes a great deal of time and effort to raise a boy into a man, and that is almost impossible coming from only one woman. It takes even more patience to deal with a grown man still trying to find his way. The lack of patience in ourselves can lead to settling for something that looks good on the surface, but is down right trodden on the inside. To be loved is a feeling that is desired by many but not technically understood. When you control something it doesn't necessarily love you back the way you want it to. The one who is being controlled becomes resentful and mean spirited. This also becomes quite consuming and it alienates you from the rest of the world. A lot of women overcompensate by putting up fronts abour their weaknesses, so they choose men who they feel are weaker than them. This allows them to feel better about themselves and their position in life. The bad thing about this philosophy is that when you change, so does your control. When you no longer want to be in authority, the game plan changes. You start to see yourself in a different light and the man you once loved to control, now becomes a mere roach under your foot....EWWWWW!(making a stinky face).... The moral to this story is.......Allow these men to take control and take the lead. Woman are designed to be helpmates, not doormats....IJS!

Define "LOYAL", Define "REAL"

First, I want to start off by saying that I am so tired of hearing people say "You aint real" or "You aint Loyal" or "You aint bout that life". This statement is so absurd to me. People walk around trying to define realness to everyone around them and to be honest it just seems superficial to me. We all have a little shady in us. If you say that you don't, then you are lying to yourself and everyone else around you. The only person we should be real with is "ourselves and "GOD". There is too much emphasis on what people arent doing for you, instead of what you arent doing for yourselves. We don't have to keep trying to prove ourselves to PEOPLE. We shouldnt be that shallow. I have learned that people define you based on their own perception of you. Don't allow people to put you in a box and step all over your character....Thats so NOT cool!!!!

Fairweather Friends

OBSERVATION 101: I have never been one to have many friends. I am just not into having to deal with too many personalities all at once. It takes patience to deal with people and there burdens and excess baggage, therefore I limit my relationships. God is still working with me on my "patience" issues. It takes a great deal of effort and time to break down boundries. The bible tells us that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. If the people that you associate yourself with constantly bring you down and stunt your growth, then you may want to re-evaluate your circumstances. Friends are there to feed you, empower you and assist with your growth. Proverbs 18:24 states: "A man/woman of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. **If God is trying to wean people out of your life...LET HIM!!! If you will allow God to prune out the people that He does not want you to have in your life – then what He will start to do is to bring in the people that He will want to have in your life.

God FORGIVES, but he DOES'NT

I am an avid follower on Instagram..... Someone posted a picture of Ricky "Rozay" Ross's fat ass with the comment of "God forgives, I don't". Due to the fact that I am a christian, that statement really offended me. Of course, I know opinions are like a**holes and everybody has one but I felt the need to stand up for what I believed in. I started posting about his lyrics and how he needs to stop referencing God as if he is his enemy in his songs. Someone basically told me to shut the hell up and turn on a gospel station...lol! I believe that it is my duty to acknowledge God on a daily and that is exactly what I did. People need to quit idolizing these rappers or actors because of their status. If Rick Ross was a regular dude on the street, NOBODY would even care about what he had to say. In this day and age "Money" is the core part of peoples lives. We are damaged by the "LOVE" of money that we cant even open our eyes to see the idealistic viewpoints of a true bigot. If GOD forgives us, then why does he have to feel superior. I know that these are just words but shallow people really take on his beliefs and embrace him as if he were a soveriegn being. IJS! Lets get it together PEOPLE, JEESH!!!!

OBAMA 2016: LOVE him or HATE him, that is the question?????

STICKS AND STONES

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me"

Is this philosophy really true? We walk around holding a chip on our shoulders because of what someone has conjured up in their minds about their perception of who we are. Why do we allow people to tear us down and allow us to believe what they are saying might actually be true. We start doubting our abilities and what we stand for. People dont understand they have the ability to slowly kill someone inside. This is a harsh world and people need to start getting ready to guard themselves and stand on faith. Quit allowing people to make you dumb down so you can stand at there level. Take it from my girl Erykah and realize you are also 12 feet tall....Love yourself and dont allow others to make you believe that you arent good enough.....NUFF SAID!!!!

Can a clique stay clique tight?

What is the meaning of friendships? Some friends are there in your life for a reason, some a season and few a lifetime. That word few should be encrypted in to your brain and permenantly implanted to keep you on your toes. Women are devious creatures. I know because I am one. So listen when I tell you that women believe in the eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth mechanism. I have been friends with my BFF Jill for over 10 years and we have been through hell and high water together. I also have two other friends that have been part of the clique for the same amount of time. But some people just seem to never grow up. This is the time of my life where my focus is on my family and my finances. If you aren't trying to grow then I am trying to go. I don't want to be an old lady still dreaming of what if's and How comes. For 2009 work on having positive people in your life who are about changing for the better. Too many people in life are so focused on other peoples faults that they can't see the strengths.